| TigerNews
by Holly Burnes
Helping people in mass disasters is like walking into a force-field of disregulated bodies. I arrived full of passion to deliver my very best work because the need was compellingly huge. My fears were that I wouldn't be able to offer enough to make a difference. Was I going on this mission to make myself feel good, or could my efforts count? I quickly learned how much our clinical expertise was useful. All of our team of SE practitioners had stories of connecting in extraordinarily deep ways with our clients in Louisiana. These moments nourished us even as our hearts ached from the pain of the tales we heard. It grew my heart, and shook my roots. I learned to resonate with helplessness and reach for self-regulation.
I share these feelings because they were big enough in each of us to impact the whole group. In the autumn in Baton Rouge and New Orleans we lived jointly in a house with only minimal temporary furnishings and learned to cook for each other while driving 4-5 hours a day. Exhaustion happened easily and we were living with people we hardly knew. Most of the teams experienced tension and difficulty with each other; even though they delivered wonderful care to the clients they saw.
In May the situation was much better. We each had our own hotel room to retreat to and settle ourselves, and we didn't have to drive long distances. We also had a team meeting every evening to debrief and plan for the next day. It was the second trip for most of us, and we were clearer about what to expect. Nevertheless emotions were occasionally raw. It was a lovely group of individuals, full of competence, humor, thoughtfulness, caring… yet it was still easy to feel inadequate or irritable. I have an idea of why this happens. I really think we/I went to New Orleans praying to do God's work (by whatever name you care to ascribe to a higher power). It created a fragile yearning for perfection, even in the midst of chaos; a perfect recipe for feeling inadequate, worrying about falling short of some unspoken goal, and terrified that others would experience our imperfections and/ or be/feel superior. None of this was true, but it felt very real.
Be prepared to contain your own huge emotions if you go on one of these trips. Be generous to yourself, and seek to see the larger person in others, not just a piece of annoying behavior. Flex! You have to have a flexible nervous system, ready to change and readjust at any moment. Ask others if they really are irritated by you, if you suspect it, and say what you need, even if it might seem trivial in some way. Expect fragility even from those whom you thought were amazingly strong. Talk it out, and you will grow. And if for any reason you wonder if you are up for a chaotic experience, just don't go right now. Disaster work will be chaotic because it is a disaster. No amount of planning will make it smooth, most likely."
Holly Burnes, RN, MS, SEP is a TOP Team Member and has been to New Orleans/Baton Rouge twice.
|