An essential audio learning series for parents, educators, hospital/medical personal and mental health professionals to help prevent traumatization in children.

Preface to Parents

1. Kids are generally both resilient and malleable. Generally, these two characteristics work in the favor of the developing child. Children, when supported appropriately, are usually able to rebound from stressful events. In doing so they are molded and grow into more competent, vibrant, beings.
   
   
2. However, as resilient as they are, kids can be overwhelmed by a wide range of events. Some of these are clearly traumatic but others seem almost ‘ordinary.’
   
   
3. In many of these situations, ‘emotional first aid’ from parents or other responsible adults is all that is necessary to help a child come back to balance and wholeness after a threatening or extreme event. However, it is possible that professional help may be needed to help your child heal. I will give you some guidelines and suggestions to help you asses this need as we go along.
   
   
4. Let us look at some of the situations that may overwhelm the child’s ‘elastic limit’ causing them to remain distressed, perhaps traumatized, in some way after the event. Also remember that for many reasons, some children have less resilience than others.
   
   
5. There are certain kinds of events that are overwhelming to almost any child. These include the exposure to violence, such as a robbery, kidnapping, molestation and school-shootings. Sadly, these kinds of events are in the realm of possibility for too many children today.
   
   1. In addition many children have suffered sexual abuse, sometimes from neighbors and even members of their own family. These instances are far more complex requiring professional help. If you have any reason to suspect this has happened, please seek competent help promptly for your child and family.
      
      
6. Other events may not seem traumatizing to an adult. However, to a child, depending on their age and other factors, many seemingly ‘ordinary’ events (to us) can have a lasting-though not always obvious effect on your child. These include:
   1. Being attacked by an animal (e.g. dog bite).
      
   2. Being lost (e.g. at the mall) for a young child.
      
   3. Natural disaster such as fires, floods, earthquakes, storms especially tornadoes and hurricanes.
      
   4. Automobile and bicycle accidents, falls, and other physical injuries.
      
   5. Medical procedures, especially with general anesthesia when the child is frightened-and away from his/her parents. Also, high fevers and life threatening illness all have the potential of being traumatic.
      
   6. Extremes of temperature; hot or cold-particularly when left alone.
      
   7. Sudden loss, as with the death of a family member and, often, divorce.
      
   8. Near drowning-can even happen in bathtub.
      
7. Remember, if any of these things has happened to your child, it does not mean that they will, necessarily, be traumatized. A few minutes spent with your child in an appropriate way can, not only minimize the chance of lasting effects, but actually make the child more resilient to life’s stresses and later extreme events. In addition, children may interpret any trauma--even a physical trauma such as a fall or injury--as though it were their fault. They often believe that they are being punished for something that they have done wrong. For this reason, it is important to reassure your child he/she has done nothing wrong.
   
   

1. It is best not to wait until a child develops ‘full-blown’ trauma symptoms before you do something to help him or her. It is important to take appropriate actions when early signs start to develop. Remember, the ‘indications’ I’m going to list are just that. They are indications and do not mean that your child has been traumatized.
   
   
2. Common indications of trauma after a stressful event, are withdrawal, fearfulness, irritability, excessive shyness, clinging, emotional outbursts, aggression to other children-starting fights, hurting animals or other acting out. Other indications are trouble sleeping, thrashing in bed nightmares, exaggerated startle reaction and ‘regression’ to earlier behaviors such as bedwetting and thumb sucking. The child may become avoidant sometimes to the point of developing phobias-specific e.g. of dogs (if bitten) or more generally such as a school phobia. Physical symptoms are also common such as tummy and headaches, nausea, vomiting diarrhea or constipation and sometimes even fevers. Any one of these symptoms may or may not be related to a specific event(s). Several of these symptoms may also be caused, of course, by an illness like the flu. If they are due to a flu then they should pass in a day or so; phobias and other symptoms usually do not. They often get more complex and generalized over time.
   
   
3. Parents generally know their children well enough to recognize when an indication is outside the child’s normal behavior. Although, especially with our own children we may feel guilt, shame and helplessness that we were unable to protect them from harm. For this reason we may have some degree of ‘denial’ and not really give enough attention to these signs.
   
   
4. If after trying these exercises and ‘first aid suggestions,’ your child still has symptoms or problems, there are professionals who specialize in therapy with children. Taking advantage of the help offered by a competent professional could be one of the most important ‘investments’ you could make for your child and family.
   
   
5. So let us go on:
   
   

1. Often children are not able to talk directly about frightening or overwhelming experiences. They need help to begin to communicate some of their feelings and thoughts related to a traumatic event. You will learn simple tools to help your child cope with stressful and overwhelming situations.
   
   
2. It is important that you pay special attention to your child’s reactions as you are working with them so that they do not become overwhelmed. For this reason your presence and calm contact with the child are essential. If something ‘shocks’ or upsets you it is important for YOU to attend to your own reactions long enough to let them ‘move through.’ Like the instructions from the flight attendant for the adults to tend to themselves first before helping their child with the oxygen mask. Exercise here-suprise party-letting breath go through.
   
   
3. Rather than have a child ‘relive’ a traumatic event, the idea here is to help support and resource the child so that they are able to process parts of an experience that had previously been overwhelming so that they can gain mastery over those feelings and situations.
   
   
4. The key in doing this is, indirectly, through bodily sensations and story/play. (Not entirely unlike what you may have experienced in the exercise). These are the languages of a child’s experience.
   
   
5. The rhymes and suggestions in the second tape are used to help your child resource, become empowered, and master, their feelings after previously overwhelming experiences. This is done through images to help the child find their inner strengths and resources in bodily sensations and feelings. The rhymes may bring up specific events that have happened to your child. It is not necessary that the child ‘remember’ these occurrences, directly, but rather that he/she begin to move through ‘stuck’ sensations and feelings that are being held in their bodies. And then to release them through specific physical and emotional reactions.
   
   1. These rhymes are most appropriate for ages 3-11. For younger and older kids, other suggestions will be made. SOMEWHERE ELSE-
      
      
   
   
   

Deep in the most primitive portions of our brains lies a part that we share with our distant reptilian ancestors. When our lives are threatened, this 280 million old structure protects us from the pain and terror of death by initiating a biological shock reaction.

1. Cheetah and impala
   
2. Shaking reaction to restore equilibrium.
   
3. ‘Validate your child’s physical responses’: ...
   Side bar and Athens
   
4. Remember, kids when assisted in a calm centered way will move through these reactions just as surely as water flows from the top of the mountain to the sea.
   

1. One of the immutable laws of the universe is that by the time they are 2-years old, a normally healthy child will have fallen several dozen times. Generally aside from scratches, bruises and cuts, there are no lasting effects of these falls.
   
   
2. However, when young children and infants take their tumbles off beds or are otherwise injured or frightened, as in automobile accidents, it is possible that they will carry residual symptoms that are often subtle and are therefore, frequently missed.
   
   
3. Most of us have strong-correct- instincts that are evoked by frightened or injured children. We are drawn to pick them up, to hold them securely in our arms and to rock them gently.
   
   
4. Basically what we need to do first; however, is to take a moment to sense whatever we are feeling in our own bodies. This is essential, particularly because children pick up the emotions of adults particularly those of fear or anger. (Oxygen mask). As simple as this seems, it may be of benefit to practice. (Exercise)
   
   
5. Remember kids are exquisitely sensitive to the emotions of adults. Their survival actually depends on their being able to perceive non-verbal cues and ‘read’ the social and emotional states of their caregivers. For this reason children can be more frightened by the fear and anger of their caregivers than they are from what is actually happening directly to them. (Florida swamps-upset and urgent)
   1. Conversely, If you are able to stay relatively calm and centered children will respond directly to that. For this reason it is crucial that we move through our own shock and fear sufficiently so that we are able to support rather then ‘infect’ the child. Then we will be able to be more fully with them.
   
   
   
6. So again it is important to take a few moments yourselves to process your shock and fear: Basically, this means to take a few moments to feel your own body’s reactions and to become aware of your breath. Allow some time for it to settle and to feel your feet on the ground and the parts and boundaries of your body. About the only time where you wouldn’t want to do this is if your child’s safety was in danger. Then of course immediate action is probably best.
   
   
7. If a child is unconscious you must be with them and be there for them when they first come back to consciousness and during hospital recovery when coming out from anesthesia.
   
   
8. You probably have noticed that sometimes when your child is crying and you pick him/her up, the child is easily comforted and then at other times it only seems to make things worse; the child just winds up further. Often the reason for this is that the child needs a certain amount of time to be with their ‘bad’ feelings first and afterwards needs the comfort and support of an adult in completing the cycle. Or sometimes, the child becomes tense because your own tense feelings get in the way of giving the comfort you had intended.
   
   
9. Shifting and deepening awareness of inner sensations takes time. Doing too much too fast can be frightening to your child. Pacing your child and yourself to go slowly enough to avoid further upset is the key. These skills are easy to learn with a little practice and patience.
   -How to hold babies and infants after falls-

   (Clapping hands or tapping knees for kids of most ages is also helpful in moving them through difficult sensations and feelings.-Opposite image)
   
   

10. Desensitization to automobile accident.
    1. In vitro-e.g. play drawings
    2. In vivo-e.g. car seat in house; first bring into room, then gradually introduce towards and then eventually into the seat. Always waiting for responses such as stiffening holding breath, heart rate changes…
    
    
    
11. Construct story based on what happened to child (keep in 3rd person-perhaps even use other name. Monitor their reactions and allow time for them to complete.